I want to sleep but
by MillaMaxwell12
Summary: Modern AU! Merthur -It's 2015 and Merlin meets Arthur in a park on the first fallin' snow.- Warning -Tragedy-


I want to sleep. So badly, that i want to kill myself into a sleepless dream and not wake up. I also want to wait for him; i do, really, but...how am i supposed to wait another century go by and it's 2015 already. _Arthur...Arthur, please come back...I want to see you and the others. Please my king, come back….._ I sit here, in the winter, where snow has covered the ground, trees, the benches, and me. The cold never bothered me and I don't feel anything. I want sleep now but... _if I do, who would greet him? I don't want to miss him if he comes._ I look down at my fingers and move them but they're stiff and numb. I smile sadly and i felt warm droplets on my hand. I brung my hand to my face and shocked at the touch. Warm tears running down my face. I tried to wipe them away with my sleeve but it wouldn't work. I push the heels of my hands on my eyes and tried to stop them by pushing them to stop. _Damnit, damnitdamnit, damnit, stop...please stop. I can't cry now…_ "Hi..um do you know that its snowing outside?"

I look up to see fare-blond hair, tanned skin but a touch of paleness from winter, a smile and baby blue eyes to match. Yet they seem familiar…. _Arthur! Wh..why? Never mind that! He's here! In flesh too! My Kin-_

"Sir?" Says a desperate say and he looks worried.

"Oh..I'm sorry! I just..umm..My name is Merlin." I was babbling non-stop and he chuckled and he smiled and I grinned back.

"Well hello, _Mer_ lin. I'm Arthur. And you didn't answer my question." He said with crooked smile upwards.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, again. I didn't realize you asked a question." He laughed, "Idiot" "Yes yes I know you're a prat!" I laughed at his shocked face and breathed into the cold air and my hands still feel stiff and cold. I felt him stop laughing and sat next to me. "And to answer your question, I know it's snowing and I forgot my scarf on the rack at home."

"Your such an Idiot. Hahaha. You can borrow my scarf. Here." He gives me his blood-red bulky scarf and wraps it around me, _so...warm. I feel like….home._ I leaned into the scarf. I stopped myself and blushed lightly and I hoped it was just the cold that's making me blush. "You know," he says, looking at me as though he's trying to remember something and I felt my heart skip a beat. I look at him and stay silent for him to continue. "You know, I feel like I known you. Like..something _is_ missing….." He looks away quickly and looks up at the bright-dark gray sky and leans back while snow falls softly around us and he sighs, "I don't know. I have my dad and my step-sister Morgana and my best mates but someone is missing in the group, like someone I truly love...I don't know why I'm saying this to you and your some stranger but you have something that I can't put my finger on. Sorry but thanks for listening to me. I never told anyone this except you, soo...secret?" He looks at me and smiles with hopes in his eyes.

My heart skips a beat again and it also achs. _Please...please remember me, Arthur._ I look down and I sigh. _If he doesn't remember me...then there's no point into it. This'll be the last time, I guess...Goodbye, my beloved king and lover._ I sigh again, looked up, and grinned. I gently put my hand on his cheek. "I'll keep your secret. But I gotta go, Arthur. Nice to meet you and stay safe." He looks taken aback and shocked. I stood up, walked in front of him, and I leaned down and kissed his forehead gently. I stood straight again. I smiled and saw his completely shocked face. I chuckled. "Goodbye again, Arthur." I waved silently and walked away. I felt eyes behind me but I ignored it.

As I kept walking and a safe distance, my shoulders started to shake violently and tears started to come down. I felt something warm on my neck it was soft and I realized that I have his bulky scarf. I squeezed the bulky scarf and stopped walking. Tears came down hard I was mumbling nonsense.

" _Damn prat! Please I...don't want to be alone any..more. Why..whywhywhywhywhy! Why was I meant to be alone for so many, many centuries. Is this my punishment for not saving the king from Mordred? Oh please, don't let me be alone again. II don't want to watch loved one die over and over again. Maybe I should magic myself to desa-"_ I stopped mumbling to myself when I heard a yell and running steps.

 _No it cant..be? Why would he remember-_ "MERLIN! IDIOT, STOP PLEASE!" I didn't realized i was running. I felt myself trip over a root.

I remember tripping over a rock and rolling really fast in the ice-cold snow and slid onto the ice. I felt it crack under me. I look up and saw Arthur panting with fear, scared, and panicking. He took out his phone while saying, "Merlin, do NOT move where you are. Im calling the ambulance. Obey me at LEAST this one time."

I smiled sadly and tried to nod but i think it came to a grimace because the ice cracked me. I look up at Arthur and saw him talking at the phone. "A..Arthur, I think I'm gonna fall int..o the water. Arthur?" I look up at him and fear, and panicked showed through his face. I heard his last say before I fell into the water.

"MERLIN! NOO! DAMN IT-"

I feel like I'm floating in the sky. Also I feel so numb. _So peaceful...I wonder if I can...just sleep,now. I welcome the darkness but I heard a voice though, "Merlin. Merlin you need to stay awake, love. The king is here. It is not your time yet so stay awake. Goodbye, love."_ said a woman's voice, but it went away and before I know it, I felt something or _someone_ grabbed my wrist and pulled me up with a... _KISS!_ I opened my eye's slightly and saw solf-fare-blond hair and his eye's were open and looking at me. I relaxed into the the kiss but I last I remembered was that I was getting pulled out with strong arms wrapped up around me and my magic vibrated.

As i woke up, I saw a white ceiling, my eyes felt heavy and blurry so I blinked again. I look at the side and saw the window curtain open and it showed snowfall and tree's with no leaves but with christmas lights on them. I look down and saw the same blond hair but a hand squeezed mine. "A...Arthur?" I asked and he was startled awake. His emotions were shown on his face and I smiled then remembered. I frowned and felt tears coming out again.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Merlin, you're fine. So please talk to me. What _wrong_?" He asked with a pleading tone.

"Arthur," I gulped and looked at him with a pleading sadness. "I was so alone. I was waiting and kept waiting but...but you never shown any of the centuries. Bu..but when i saw you, you didn't remember; and I was planning to move away or disappear and vanish from this earth. Wait! What do you remember?" I asked puzzled and he ran his through his fair hair with his fingers and hand, making them stand up. He sighs. He looks at me sadly.

"Merlin...I remember everything when you..um..kissed my...forehead three days ago." _It's been that long?_ "So yeah. Anyway you scared the shit out of me _Mer_ lin! You have no idea how happy I was to see you but you go ahead and trip in you clumsy, idiotic way and fall on ice! _ICE!_ Over a _lake!_ I thought you might die 'cause you still didn't/ _hardly,_ get any meat on you bones. You had like what, a few years? Merlin do you have _any_ idea how damn _scared_ I was? You made me feel like I was...never mind." He moved so fast that i didn't blink and felt warm, soft lips on mine.

I sat there in a daze, and i finally caught up. He was getting hesitant and just when he was leaving my lips, I grabbed him by surprise and pulled him towards me and hugged him. I felt him shift and stiff, but he gradually relaxed against me and hugged back harder. I felt him breathe into my neck and he shook a little. I smoothed down his hair with a gentle touch. Against anything I've been trying to surpass, opened up and I cried against him. From his death to now. "A...Arthur..I-"

He sniffed and looked at me with ease, "It's okay, idiot. I'm here and never to leave you." he said as he too, smooth my cheek with gentleness.

But I didn't feel at ease and I grabbed him with panicked and he was shocked but he steadied me, "No...no you'll leave me behind like years, and hundreds ago. I..I'll be by myself again. I don't want that! I don't! I'm scared, Arthur….please don't leave me...you and everyone else left me." I tried to shake him, and he looked at me sadly. _Don't leave me…._

"Shh, it's okay, Merlin. I won't leave you ever. When I grow old, you'll grow old will me. When I die, you'll die with me by my side. We'll never part again, Merlin. So don't worry." I cried and nodded my head and we both hugged. We kissed like nothing matters anymore and I smiled at him and he too but deep down, dreams are impossible.

 **70 years later**

I lay in the hospital with my husband, Arthur. He's dying from old age and I stayed young. _I knew happiness wasn't a lasting feeling. Arthur, love, you were wrong about me staying with you, and to die with you...I love you._ I hold his fragile, old hand that I love still with my young one again. I cry as he's breathing strongly, but shallowly. I felt him rub his thumb the back of my hand and soothing sounds coming from his perfect mouth. "Arthur," i look at him with broken eyes and he slightly opens his eyes to look at me with fondness and sadness. It breaks my heart but _I can't stand it more, damn clotpole!_ I look at him and felt my tears flow out. "Arthur...I...i can't...I don't want to l..lose you agai..n. Why?" I look at him earnestly and felt my tears streak down.

"Merlin," he whispers out, "Remember what I said? I said when I grow old, you'll grow old with me. If I die, you'll die with me by my side. I'll never par-" I interrupted him, while crying out.

"LIAR!" I screamed out at him and I saw his saden, fondness face and I saw he was crying but I kept talking, "Liar! You said I would grow old and die _with you_! I love you, you damn prat! But your _leaving me again!_ I can't stand it anymore! I want to live and die with you by your side, and when you grew older I stayed younger. I'll use my magic to save you if I have too! I...don't want to lose you, never again!"I just realized that I'm on my knees, head bowed, and tightly but gently, holding his hands and crying, begging him to stay but I knew it was useless.

"Merlin," he says in a gentle voice, but i ignore him and kept crying, "Merlin love, look at me please?" he asked in a gentle voice and I look up to see him crying too. I stood up and layed down with him and nuzzle into his neck for calming sense, _his smell….his smell is still the same…_ "I'm sorry," he says and I look at him. "I'm sorry for leaving you, Merlin. I know what I said, but I truly meant it, All of it, love. Never misguide and disregard my love for you, even if I die now." he says in a soft whisper full of love, compassion, and fondness; he rubs my cheek gently and kisses my temple, brow, eyes that shed tears, nose, and finally, lips and I kiss him back. "I love you, forever, Merlin. Never forget that." I nodded and kissed his forehead. "Idiot."

"Prat." I retort back.

That night in the hospital bed, I lay with him when the first snow came down. _It's the day I first met you, Arthur..._ I felt his breath getting shallow, and I shake with tears coming. "Arthur." I squeezed him tightly against me. I heard him whispered, "Merlin, I love...you.." he said in his last breath.

"Same..here, prat." I knew he was gone now but I wondered if he heard me. I kissed his lips and whispered again and again, "I love you, loveyouloveyouloveyou, love you so damn much. Goodbye, love" I said trembling and crying, sniffing, and holding him tightly and burying my head into his whitish-blond hair as snow gently falls to the ground.


End file.
